Escaping shit holes

Imagine being inside a sink hole for two long years. Imagine never getting out of it, and every time you try to, you still end up getting sucked in and getting stuck. Imagine the feeling of escaping with a ball and chain on your foot. Hard, isn’t it? Well, yes, it was really damn hard. But even it was, I still had a chance to finally, escape that sh-t hole, I mean, that sink hole.

A sink hole- that is how I describe my previous relationship. I admit it, it was all fun- I was loved, I was head over heels, I was in the clouds, I was extremely happy, it was ecstasy- but it was all wrong.

Two years ago, I entered something I never thought I would end up escaping. I fell in love with a guy who already has a ring. It was all fun at first, we were happy. We were madly in love with each other. There were people watching, people judging, all were mad, but I didn’t care- we didn’t care. All we cared about was, “us”. We were inside our own world, we were both escaping the sad reality that there shouldn’t be an “us”.

Until one day, it hit me, that I shouldn’t be doing it, but it was too late. I couldn’t let go anymore, I couldn’t imagine living outside our own world. And when it happened that I can already let go, he was the one who couldn’t. As I mentioned earlier, I was stuck. I tried to escape, I was shoving him off, but he was pulling me back. Until it just stopped, it was all over, and I was a whole new person again. So how did I do it? How did I escape in a sink hole called love? Go on and read along.

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Half-half.

Hello there, electronic best friend! I haven’t talked to you for a while now.

So how were you? Hope you’re better.

Cause me, I’ve been a blur.

As usual. Nothing new about that.

Life has been good, but I’m not that sure if I was good with it. So how was the past 6 months? Well it was pretty unwell. Felt like I was a coffee being stirred by so many people nitong mga nakaraan. As in sobrang daming tao. Pati yung mga hindi dapat kasali, sumasali. Sad life.

My 2015 has been haunting me. Again. And it doesn’t want to stop. I told it to stop for more than a million freaking times, pero ayaw. May paninindigan. Kung meron nga lang sigurong course na Pushing Away 101, mageenroll ako doon. Eh kaso wala, malas.

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‘Cause weird. 

Blowing horns, eating ham and jumping maybe 10 times the most were the things I always did when I was young, young and celebrating New Year’s Eve.

I live in a barangay wherein people are the loudest, Pinoy na Pinoy ang celebration, tipong parang merong fiesta tuwing bisperas na ng baong taon. But I and my siblings never had a chance to celebrate the eve like how our barangay does. Once pumatak na yung 12 ng madaling araw, we are locked behind the huge gates of our house, just listening to the firecrackers lit by our kapitbahays, watching fireworks nearby and covering our noses kasi mabaho yung usok. It was plain and simple, how our family celebrate New Year’s Eve, plain but never normal.

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2016 in paragraphs

A close friend of mine told me a couple of days back, hindi raw ako marunong makuntento sa buhay. He told me that I should let go of the happy-ever-after script I have in my head. Over and over he told me na I cannot control what happens every day, he told me that everything should be as natural as possible. Kasi wala daw saysay yong buhay kapag masyado mong kinokontrol. He told me I was a control freak. He told me that I am living inside a fake story. He was mad. Really mad. But yes, as twisted as he may sound, he made sense.

2016- taught me a lot of things. But it never made me contented. I wanted a whole lot, in any kind of way possible. I wanted the best of everything, I wanted to experience everything. I wanted to learn new things, I wanted to meet a bunch of different people from different scenes. I wanted to be a better version of my 2015 self.

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Four months, four days and four-evs. 

I’m back from my hiatus! It has been a long while.

So it’s a minute before 11 now, exactly. I’m in the hospital. Lying down with the most beautiful patient in the whole world- my daughter. It has been a total of four days already. I miss home, I miss my son, I miss work and everything else in between.

This pretty patient told me something earlier, something that broke my heart.

Quoting her, she said “I wish to never get better, I wish to be sick forever, so you’ll always be with me, not sa work mo.”. Hindi ko alam actually how I would react, it was kind of funny/touching/sad in so many ways.

My daughter is just 4 years old, and she is wishing to be sick. Forever. Just for me to be with her. I felt so sorry for her, if I could only slice my body into two, I would. But I can’t.

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Can’t wait for my alien friends

Ang lakas pala maka-writer kapag kino-quote ka ng mga tao sa twitter.

Totoo nga yong sinabi ng boss namin one time, na kung feeling mo sobrang down ka na about work, kapag feeling mo gusto mo na magquit, search mo lang yong hashtag ng show sa twitter and after reading, mabo-boost ka na.

I did it last night, napagsabihan kasi ako ng EP ko na ang waley waley ng seg ko. She was asking me kung meron daw ba akong pinagdadaanan at kung alam ko raw ba yong ginagawa ko.

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Magic of the umbrella

Need to share. Sobrang ganda ng kanta. Nakakaiyak. Napaka galing talaga ng Alesana ❤

Naalala ko yong huli kong sinulat was about my trek paakyat ng Lake Holon, well hello. Yes, I survived! One for the books again. It was my second time to trek, pero grabe hirap nito compared sa una kong inakyat. May times na yung tuhod ko nadikit na sa mukha ko e. Ang hirap, pero napaka ganda. Bawi naman ang pagod.

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